There are a million considerations to make when deciding on family size (assuming that everything goes exactly as planned), and that's usually something that people get to hash out in the privacy of their own marriage.
I don't burden people with my own opinion of what they should do, because what do I know about their situation?
And I don't even really care about people voicing their opposing opinions directly to me, and especially not to the world at large, because I live in a free country, and I'm an expert at making my own choices while ignoring others' (maybe a little too expert). Because how does their opinion affect me, exactly?
But, there is one prevalent misconception that I would like to put to rest.
This one.
Ok, the argument about college would take another post (that I probably won't write, let's be honest), and I'm not even sure what is meant by "traveling" here. The inevitable world travel of the kids or the unburdened travel of the parents?
Anyway, what I'd like to highlight is this idea that everyone having more than two kids today is pushing the human population past replacement.
It simply isn't true.
I too grew up seeing charts showing the numbers of humans growing exponentially, but what Thomas Malthus feared about population growth, and even appeared to be happening just 20 years ago, is no longer the case.
You know how you have 0-2 kids? And all your friends have 0-2 kids? Well, it turns out that most of the world is exactly the same!!
And those that aren't will be getting there very, very soon.
(Besides, do you know what the replacement level fertility rate is? It's 2.1 -- that's actually a little bit more than two kids per woman. Plus, for every woman with no kids, I get to have two more!! -- I kid, I kid.)
Oh no! You say. That may be true among the responsible peoples of western Europe, but what about those people in rural America? It's made up of people like you. Nope. Only 9 states in the United States have a fertility rate over replacement level. The fertility rate of the entire country is below that.
Ok, what about Mexico? Nope. India? Nope. Africa? Ok, it's still high, but do you see how fast it's falling?
In fact, the fertility rates everywhere are dropping, and the world's population is estimated to peak and then start decreasing in a few decades.
Now whether you think decreasing population is good news or bad news depends a lot on your other beliefs.
Some people are excited for there to be more of everything (except pollution) for the rest of us.
Others worry that past populations with low rates have succumbed to war and economic decline.
Those of you in this country may worry about the worker to social security recipient ratio of the future.
But, that debate is not the point of this post. The point is that you and I will most likely see the peak of human population growth (and then decline) in our lifetimes!
Of course, the momentum can all change again. But, how likely are you to suddenly decide to have a few more kids? Not likely, and neither is anyone else. It would take a major cultural and attitude change all over the world caused by war (perhaps), or widespread religious awakening (hard to imagine), or the sudden disappearance of all forms of birth control from the face of the earth (pretty much impossible).
I do want to say to all of my friends out there with 0-2 kids -- You are wonderful! Please enjoy what you have!
And as you look at my family, it is fine for you to think that we're out-of-our-minds (likely), that every surface in our house must be sticky (perhaps), that my hands must be raw from all the laundry and dishes I wash (they're not), and that I must cry at night wishing my life was more fulfilling (I don't), but please don't look at us and hate us because we're contributing to explosive, out-of-control population growth.
Because we're not.
Thank you.
P.S. Babies are cute.
P.P.S. Toddlers and kids (and husbands) aren't bad either.
P.P.P.S. Just a few words to the wise (in case you've missed a few other changes in the past 20 years) --eating eggs will NOT raise your cholesterol, and there is no link between autism and vaccination.
You're welcome.
Additional Reading:
i loved every word of this post. couldn't agree more. and your kids are super cute. bowties and all. sometimes ignorance has to be addressed and you did that perfectly.
ReplyDeleteWait, so getting to choose also means you can choose to have a bunch of kids AND enjoy it? Honestly, the judgy-ness of people is just ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteI totally love your post! never read anybody giving an opinion like yours since people is usually complaining about big families but nobody actually see how the population is actually decreasing and lesser people are actually having families.
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We ONLY have four children and sometimes the comments. lol. Great post. And yes, babies are cute! Cheers to families of all sizes.
ReplyDeleteVERY well researched and stated. I like having a smart argument to point to on something that could easily have just made me grouchy and ranty.
ReplyDeleteToday at work I shared your post with a work buddy...she laughed..probably because she has 6 kiddos..and she thought your family was adorable! I had a friend who moved to Utah ages ago...she and her hubby were the proud parents of 9 girls..the 10th baby was a boy born after they moved. (Sadly that child passed away at age 18)..but her words over the pulpit one Sunday were: "Never believe the lie that you can't afford a big family". Oh, they drove a VW bug. It was a scream to see them all pile out on Sunday morning! (they'd be arrested today for not having car seats for kids). I'm third in a family of 6 kids and wouldn't trade my younger life for anything. We weren't rich but we were happy, well fed, well educated, and most important..well loved. I would have loved to have more than 4 kids...tried..but is wasn't possible. So enjoy your lovely family. Strut out in public with all those cuties with love and pride that I know you and your hubby have for those sweet spirits.
ReplyDeleteI love this so much!! You are spot on! We only hope that we'll be able to have at least 4 kids someday! And babies are so cute. I can imagine the sense of satisfaction and pure joy you get from your "big" family!! :)
ReplyDeleteWell said and could not agree more!
ReplyDeletei like how you defend your right to have a family, an opinion and actually feel good about being different.
ReplyDeletesee i'm peruvian and no, i dont ride a lama, and yes, i do have a college degree, worked my ass off in the lima stock exchange and now have a more relaxed laid back job. i want kids and yes i do want more than 2, my income is not that amazing so i'm guessing 3, maybe 4 being very lucky, but my laim ass live together boyfriend/husband to be thinks i am out of my mind and actually cares more about having money and a comfortable economic status (which i kinda like and have been enjoying my whole life.... so i run out of arguments sometimes...)
i just wanted to say congrats, for living the way u like and finding someone who shares your point of view.
Thank you, Solange! And I hope things work out for you! (And no, I don't think everyone from Peru rides a llama :)
DeleteI loved reading this. I come from the Midwest and from a big family. My siblings have lots of kids, so the context of my family I feel like a bit of a failure (so to speak) for just having three. (And for realizing way too late in the game that I would have a whole van load if I could. A nine-passenger van that is.) But I contrast the way I feel to the culture where I live here in New England, where I hesitated to mention my third pregnancy without gently preparing the listener first, as one friend's response was that I was "irresponsible". So weird. Anyway, it's nice to read a different perspective and just chalk up this strange panic about population growth as irrational.
ReplyDeleteAnd I loved reading your comment, Sarah. I definitely know how it is to be uncertain of the reaction to new baby news :).
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